It’s been exactly one month since you stepped on a plane and left everything behind. You left your family, your friends, your comfort zone and his side. Thomas’ side. You cried every day for a week. Not graceful tears that fall perfectly down your cheeks, but can’t breath ugly crying that left your eyes puffy and tired. It’s been a little better since that first week but you’d be lying if you said it’s been easy. In fact, it’s been so much harder than you anticipated. The pain of being away from him in that first week was unbearable, unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. It literally felt like your heart was being ripped out and everything felt heavy.
The conversations you’ve had with Thomas have been hard, they’ve been emotional and they’ve brought up a lot of questions. He’s questioned why you left him, how you could leave something so incredible behind, how you could so easily risk losing it. The truth is, you never felt like you were risking anything and perhaps you were naive for not thinking it. The questions have not only been from him but from you too. You questioned his ability to see this through and you questioned whether he really believed it was worth it. You’ve both lashed out at each other. You’ve yelled, he’s yelled. All of this going on through a screen. God it’s been hard. The thing is though, these questions only come from a place of love, and once the emotion settles it’s clear as day that you are both simply missing each other deeply. This is unknown territory and neither of you have a f*cking clue what you’re doing. All that’s certain is, you’ve never known love like this. You are so thankful that both you and Thomas are able to speak so freely and honestly without fear of judgment.
People have told you that time will fly by, that you’ll be back home in no time. They tell you it’s good for you both. Of course they mean well, they’re only trying to bring you comfort, but it’s difficult to listen to someone who literally has no idea what it’s like to be living on the other side of the world away from their partner. There is merit in what they’re saying. It will be good for you, and him. The conversations you have had have not only been difficult. The distance has cemented things for you both and shone a light on what’s important.
You miss the things like heading away for the weekend with him, going for breakfast on a Sunday and having dinner with his family. But most of all, you miss the little things. The things that make your relationship special. You miss waking up a few minutes before him and watching him sleep so peacefully, being able to see every detail in his handsome face. You miss being able to hug him, those long tight hugs when there’s no space between either of you. God you miss being able to kiss him, look into those eyes and wonder what he’s thinking. And you miss not being able to hold his hand while you fall asleep, hearing “I love you Maddison, goodnight”. It’s these little things that make everything worth it. Last Thursday, the 18th of October was your six month anniversary (lol cute), and Thomas sent you flowers. A complete surprise you opened the door to a delivery man and the second you realised what it was and that it was for you, you fell into an emotional mess. From the other side of the world he still managed to make you feel incredibly special, and the tears were not only for missing him, but for an overwhelming sense of thankfulness. Thankful that you found each other.
You came here with goals in mind. You came here to test yourself, test your limits. To push yourself out of your comfort zone, to overcome your fears of being alone and to grow as a person. Of course you couldn’t do things half assed could you Mads… You had to move to another country. While it’s only been a month you’ve already learnt SO much about yourself and what you’re capable of. You’re ok. Keep learning, keep growing and keep loving him.
Love, Me xx